Apathy.

ag·nos·ti·cism (www.dictionary.com)
1. The doctrine that certainty about first principles or absolute truth is unattainable and that only perceptual phenomena are objects of exact knowledge.
2. The belief that there can be no proof either that God exists or that God does not exist.

I think this is the theological buzz-word that would best describe my belief system at the moment (it’s subject to change on a whim).

I don’t know whether God exists or not.
But, most importantly, I don’t care. It really doesn’t affect me at all.

People have agonised for centuries over questions like, ‘How was the universe created?’ and ‘Why do we exist?’ and ‘What happens after we die?’
These questions are unanswerable, but the desire to get at least slightly closer to the truth can dominate a person’s whole existence. As for me, I just don’t give a fuck.

I just don’t see the point in devoting your entire life to matters which, by defintion, haven’t the faintest thing to do with your life at all.

I’m here, now, and I don’t know for how long. As far as I’m aware, no other-wordly force is affecting my life – only my own will. To not take advantage of the time I know I have by pursuing experience and other ’shallow,’ material things – substantial things, like knowledge, relationships with others, beauty – seems like a terrible waste.

I don’t want inner peace, to get in touch with my spirituality, to know God, to have the great mysteries of the universe revealed to me. I don’t want to feel like my life has a purpose, that somehow I’m raising the bar for human existence on some vague scale, to have that sense of fulfillment that everyone seems to strive for.

I just want to experience.

And if that means ending up dead in a flat by myself, having been decaying for three weeks with nobody even realising I’m missing, only eventually being found by my neighbours due to the smell, then fine.